The two of us (three, counting our ever-growing unborn son) have been going to antenatal classes for the past couple of weeks. These classes, as well as being informative, reassuring and enjoyable, have been somewhat hilarious. Thanks to the presense of people with, erm, a bit less restraint than us in the vocal department, we have been blessed with some delightful anecdotes with which we shall one day horrify our child.
The midwife and student midwife who have taken our group through these two lessons have been wonderful, telling us the basics about the birth, the pain relief, methods of relaxation, breastfeeding, life with a newborn, exercises, complications and a great deal else, all delivered (pun intended) with a friendly smile and a marvellously calming air of Everything Will Be Fine. That demeanour of cool professionalism has been a breath of fresh air, as has the fact that we were sat in a room with a bunch of other couples going through the ame things that we are, with the same fears and insecurities.
Oh, and the girl next to us who asked how long she'd have “A baggy fanny”, exclaimed “I don't want black nipples!” and yelled “Cameltoe” at one point.
She was amazing. I was most amused by the comment about black nipples, actually, as there was a black girl nearby who, in a delightfully dry tone added “Well my husband hasn't noticed...”
Thankfully the rest of the assembled throng were a little less comedic and seeing that everyone was nervous about what is to come was refreshing. Pregnancy often seems like it's only happening to the two of you, so seeing others in the same boat (a big, sturdy boat full of snacks and people with backache) is a nice wake-up call. We're not alone. It's not just us. That's a hell of a relief.
A lot of the things that are covered in the Antenatal classes may seem like common sense when the midwives go through them with you, but you may not think of them yourself. It's easy to panic, to wonder what the hell you'd do in the event of an emergency, so it's good to know what the options are, how to cope, and what will happen at each stage of labour, the delivery, and afterwards.
I'll not go into the details here, as I am far from qualified to tell you what you need to know. I urge you to go to these classes when your time to do so comes, fellas. Get the time off work. Make the effort to go along. Listen to the experts there, and ask questions. Don't worry of those questions make you sound stupid. They don't. Everyone in this situation wants to know the same things. You're not alone. Remember that. You. Are. Not. Alone.
Just try to ignore the lady asking about her baggy fanny.
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